I am always suprised at the bitterness of flamewars on open source mailinglists, IRC chats and blog posts. Often these flamewars spring from cultural differences, language barriers, little mistakes or oversights. Sometimes they also spring from the assumption that someone does not know the given system well enough or did not bother to read the documentation. Rarely do they spring from proper technical arguments and even then it seems odd to start using the rather aggressive tone which result in the flamewar label.

I have gotten annoyed at people and I remember a particular instance where I sounded off pretty badly on Jon Parise, something I regret alot today. Luckily Jon was very smooth in handling this and so we spared us the time waste spiral usually accompanied with a flamewar.

Usually however I fair quite well by simply assuming that people are not out to get me. That if they find flaws in my code, my opinions etc that they are actually trying to help. Obviously if they use a rude tone or even state incorrect facts I feel wronged. However in that case I just try to reply with a polite tone. Sometimes I do make a remark that the content of the mail was obscured by an aggressive attitude. Often enough instead of a flamewar a pleasent conversation then emerges. Sometimes I take the discussion offlist, in a query to get away from the problem that things said in public have a tendency hurt the chance of reconsiliation. When possible I try to contact people both sides know well to get on common ground.

While this may sound like an additional effort I have found that the effort involved in a flamewar is both much more time consuming and quite demotivating as well. Additionally it is a major turn off for anyone else on the list!

Another thing I have noticed is that people suddenly seem to get along tons better after they have met in person at a conference. This shows that email, IRC etc simply are unable to transport our thoughts properly and should serve as another reminder that people quite likely never intend to come off as rude as they appear to be.

So to conclude:

1. parse all emails, comments, blog posts with the assumption that the person is trying to do good
2. if you have nothing helpful or friendly to say do not say anything at all

Very true words. Thanks Lukas!

Amen. Freenode is a prime example of geek vs. geek.